Top Tips for Successful Flirting

Advice from Judy Dutton

Lay on the eye contact. Start out with what’s called a Type I glance (your eye sweeps the room, passing by your prospect), then move on to a Type II glance (short, darting glance), then a Type III (you hold someone’s gaze for a second, then look away.) The longer you can look, the stronger your feelings may grow for each other—provided, of course, that all that eye contact is mutual. Otherwise, staring at someone who’s not staring back will just come off as creepy.

Widen your pupils. The pupils in our eyes dilate when they see something they like; it can also make you look more alluring to others. To take advantage of this fact, pick dimly lit places for your dates, which will force your pupils to dilate so you two can drink each other in.

Separate the real smiles from the fakes. Unsure whether someone’s genuinely overjoyed to see you or has plastered on a fake smile for the sake of being polite? Shift your focus from the mouth to the eyes. If the corners of the eyes are squinting (perhaps you’ll see crow’s feet), then the smile is the real deal. You’re welcome company…

Mirror your date’s movements. If he crosses his legs, cross yours. If she takes a sip of her drink, do the same. This will convey that you two are on the same wavelength, further enhancing rapport. One caveat: Don’t be so obvious about it that you get caught having to explain why you two just happen to be scratching your left ear at the very same time. That would be weird…

Reach out and touch something. Early on, flirters will often fiddle with their hair, stroke their arm, or rub their knee. Take it as a good sign, fueled by a subconscious desire to be touched by someone else. When you first attempt to initiate physical contact with an acquaintance, try tapping a forearm, an elbow, or the back of a hand—all safe options to get things started without coming on too strong.

For more practical advice on how the science of sex can help you attract a mate, check out HOW WE DO IT by Judy Dutton, read an author interview, or become a fan on facebook.

Copyright © 2009 by Judy Dutton. From the book HOW WE DO IT: HOW THE SCIENCE OF SEX CAN MAKE YOU A BETTER LOVER published by Broadway Books, a division of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc. Reprinted with permission.

Browse all articles on sex and relationships | Browse all articles from July 2009